Life Goes On

Life Goes On

• MotherAnn 5 years ago
  It's been almost three months since I lost the love of my life; my best friend; the one person who knew me better than anyone else. I cry almost every day, though some days not as hard or as long. Some days I don't cry at all and when I realize that I didn't cry I start to cry. I can hear a song on the radio and it makes me think of Jon. Seeing ducks on the lake or geese flying in the sky makes me think of Jon. Certain smells. Something funny will happen at work and I think to myself, "Oh my gosh, Jon will get such a kick out of this; I can't wait to tell him." Then I remember I'll never share anything with him again.
  
  I've been at my job at the high school for 30 years. When Jon was diagnosed plans of retirement were put on hold as my health insurance is awesome and we needed it. Now that he has passed, retirement could happen as planned. But, at first I was afraid to take that step. Well, Monday I met with an advisor at the pension office and I turned in my application for retirement! I decided it was time. I love my work family - but I need to do this for me. I want time to be able to go out and visit my son, daughter-in-law, and grandson in South Dakota whenever I want. Today I turned my letter of intention in to our superintendent. Everyone in the high school building already knew what I was contemplating. When I gave a copy of the letter to my principal his comment was, "This makes me sad; happy for you but sad for me."
  
  I've had some people question my decision. They think I'll be bored. Bored? I can't imagine! I've always been able to keep myself busy - and if ever I were to be bored I would just pick up a book and read. I know Annie will love the idea of her "mommy" being home and taking her for walks any day the sun is shining.
  
  I am adjusting to this new "normal". My kids are adjusting to their new "normal". I don't think I will ever stop missing Jon, or loving Jon, but I know he would want me to continue living and to find joy in life. I can certainly try to do just that!
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