zanna 1 year, 3 months ago said: Need a laugh! Anybody have any new jokes ? Live your life in such a way that when your > feet hit the floor in the morning, > Satan shudders and says: > "Oh Shit - she's awake
Underwear dust One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'
She replied ...'It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'!=
mbalmr 1 year, 3 months ago said: RE: Need a laugh! OK, now see, I was expecting a different punch line! Because I swear this is true: my husband waits until his underwear is a pile of dust and a waistband lying in his drawer, and that is when we begin to debate the merits of him going out to buy new. I have had a couple of outbursts where I refused to wash his underwear anymore, as it was a waste of time and water. Once I even threw his underwear out, and he got up the next morning in a panic over what he'd wear to work under his suit. "I guess you're free-ballin' it today," I said. He went right out and bought new bloomers.
meileen 1 year, 3 months ago said: RE: Need a laugh! My girlfriend passed me this joke the other day. . . . . . . .
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home in Ft. Lauderdale reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickeness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."
mbalmr 1 year, 3 months ago said: RE: Need a laugh! LOL, that is a good one!!!
The only joke I can ever remember is this one:
What has three balls and comes from outer space?
ET, the Extra Testicle
Sorry!
meileen 1 year, 3 months ago said: RE: Need a laugh! That's funny mbalmr! Here's another one:
An elderly man was telling his neighbor in Miami, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty."
mbalmr 1 year, 3 months ago said: RE: Need a laugh! LOL! I love those kinds of jokes, meileen! They're the only ones I can remember.
Here's one I've always enjoyed:
An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow are hired to clean up at a construction site. The foreman points to a huge pile of sand, and says to the Italian, "you're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman, he says, "you're in charge of shoveling," and to the Chinese man, he says, "you're in charge of supplies."
"Now, I have to leave for a little while, but when I come back, I expect you all to have put a significant dent in that pile of sand."
Two hours later, the foreman returns, and the pile of sand is still sitting there. He asked the Italian, "why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian says, "I no hava no broom! You tolda the Chinese guy wasa in charge ofa the supplies, but he hasa disappeared, and I no coulda finda him anywhere."
The foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "I thought I told you to shovel this mess!" to which the Scotsman replies, "Aye laddie, ya did, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ahcouldnay fin' him either."
The foreman is furious now, so he storms off toward the pile of sand to find the Chinese fellow. Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile and yells
"SUPPLIES!!!!!!!!!!!"
meileen 1 year, 3 months ago said: RE: Need a laugh! LOL! OMG that's soooo funny! I love that one!
zanna 1 year, 3 months ago said: RE: Need a laugh! You guys are soooooo funny. Luv it! You got my"5".LOL
mbalmr 1 year, 3 months ago said: RE: Need a laugh! A little mortuary humor:
Two wives had gone out for a "girl's night out." Both wives were devoted and faithful to their husbands. During their night out, they got a little carried away with the Bacardi Breezers.
While walking home, they both needed to pee something awful, so they stopped at a cemetery to make their evacuations. Since they had nothing to wipe with, one of the wives took off her panties and used them. The other wife had on some expensive panties, and wasn't prepared to part with them, so she used a ribbon from a recently placed floral wreath.
The next day, one husband, concerned about his wife's hangover and lack of panties, called the other husband. "These girls' nights out must STOP" he sobbed. "My wife came home without her panties on!!"
"That's nothing," the other husband replied. "My wife came back with a card stuck to her ass that read 'From all of us at the fire station. We'll never forget you!'"
lasaf 1 year, 3 months ago said: RE: Need a laugh! The skeleton walked up to the bar and said, " I'll have a beer and a mop".
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zanna 1 year, 3 months ago said:
Need a laugh!
Anybody have any new jokes ?
Live your life in such a way that when your
> feet hit the floor in the morning,
> Satan shudders and says:
> "Oh Shit - she's awake
Underwear dust
One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife 'Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'
His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. 'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud appeared when he shook them out. 'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'
She replied ...'It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'!=
mbalmr 1 year, 3 months ago said:
RE: Need a laugh!
OK, now see, I was expecting a different punch line! Because I swear this is true: my husband waits until his underwear is a pile of dust and a waistband lying in his drawer, and that is when we begin to debate the merits of him going out to buy new. I have had a couple of outbursts where I refused to wash his underwear anymore, as it was a waste of time and water. Once I even threw his underwear out, and he got up the next morning in a panic over what he'd wear to work under his suit. "I guess you're free-ballin' it today," I said. He went right out and bought new bloomers.
meileen 1 year, 3 months ago said:
RE: Need a laugh!
My girlfriend passed me this joke the other day. . . . . . . .
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home in Ft. Lauderdale reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickeness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.
The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece.
The third old lady remarked, "I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about."
mbalmr 1 year, 3 months ago said:
RE: Need a laugh!
LOL, that is a good one!!!
The only joke I can ever remember is this one:
What has three balls and comes from outer space?
ET, the Extra Testicle
Sorry!
meileen 1 year, 3 months ago said:
RE: Need a laugh!
That's funny mbalmr! Here's another one:
An elderly man was telling his neighbor in Miami, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
"Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."
mbalmr 1 year, 3 months ago said:
RE: Need a laugh!
LOL! I love those kinds of jokes, meileen! They're the only ones I can remember.
Here's one I've always enjoyed:
An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow are hired to clean up at a construction site. The foreman points to a huge pile of sand, and says to the Italian, "you're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman, he says, "you're in charge of shoveling," and to the Chinese man, he says, "you're in charge of supplies."
"Now, I have to leave for a little while, but when I come back, I expect you all to have put a significant dent in that pile of sand."
Two hours later, the foreman returns, and the pile of sand is still sitting there. He asked the Italian, "why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian says, "I no hava no broom! You tolda the Chinese guy wasa in charge ofa the supplies, but he hasa disappeared, and I no coulda finda him anywhere."
The foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "I thought I told you to shovel this mess!" to which the Scotsman replies, "Aye laddie, ya did, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ahcouldnay fin' him either."
The foreman is furious now, so he storms off toward the pile of sand to find the Chinese fellow. Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile and yells
"SUPPLIES!!!!!!!!!!!"
meileen 1 year, 3 months ago said:
RE: Need a laugh!
LOL! OMG that's soooo funny! I love that one!
zanna 1 year, 3 months ago said:
RE: Need a laugh!
You guys are soooooo funny. Luv it! You got my"5".LOL
mbalmr 1 year, 3 months ago said:
RE: Need a laugh!
A little mortuary humor:
Two wives had gone out for a "girl's night out." Both wives were devoted and faithful to their husbands. During their night out, they got a little carried away with the Bacardi Breezers.
While walking home, they both needed to pee something awful, so they stopped at a cemetery to make their evacuations. Since they had nothing to wipe with, one of the wives took off her panties and used them. The other wife had on some expensive panties, and wasn't prepared to part with them, so she used a ribbon from a recently placed floral wreath.
The next day, one husband, concerned about his wife's hangover and lack of panties, called the other husband. "These girls' nights out must STOP" he sobbed. "My wife came home without her panties on!!"
"That's nothing," the other husband replied. "My wife came back with a card stuck to her ass that read 'From all of us at the fire station. We'll never forget you!'"
lasaf 1 year, 3 months ago said:
RE: Need a laugh!
The skeleton walked up to the bar and said, " I'll have a beer and a mop".