A Coffee List Recipe

How to make it

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• 1. You answer the door before people knock.
• 2. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
• 3. The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.
• 4. You ski uphill.
• 5. You get a tax cut for all the coffee you bought.
• 6. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
• 7. You speed walk in your sleep.
• 8. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
• 9. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
• 10. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
• 11. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
• 12. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
• 13. You sleep with your eyes open.
• 14. When you open your dish cabinet, and there is only mugs.
• 15. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
• 16. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
• 17. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
• 18. You lick your coffeepot clean.
• 19. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
• 20. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
• 21. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
• 22. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
• 23. Your coffee cake, must have coffee in it.
• 24. You chew on other people's fingernails.
• 25. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
• 26. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
• 27. You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
• 28. The only gift you get for Valentines Day you get chocolate covered beans.
• 29. You can jump-start your car without cables.
• 30. All your kids are named "Joe".
• 31. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
• 32. You don't sweat, you percolate.
• 33. You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
• 34. You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
• 35. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
• 36. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
• 37. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
• 38. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
• 39. Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.
• 40. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
• 41. People get dizzy just watching you.
• 42. You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
• 43. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
• 44. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
• 45. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.
• 46. Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
• 47. Instant coffee takes too long.
• 48. When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
• 49. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
• 50. You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
• 51. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
• 52. Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
• 53. You'd be willing to spend time in Turkey just for the coffee.
• 54. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
• 55. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
• 56. You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
• 57. You get drunk just so you can sober up.
• 58. You speak perfect Arabica without ever missing a bean.
• 59. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
• 60. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
• 61. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
• 62. You can jump to the moon.
• 63. You short out motion detectors.
• 64. You have a conniption over spilled milk.
• 65. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
• 66. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
• 67. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
• 68. You don't tan, you roast.
• 69. You don't get mad, you get steamed.
• 70. Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
• 71. Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
• 72. You can't even remember your second cup.
• 73. You help your dog chase its tail.
• 74. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
• 75. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
• 76. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
• 77. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
• 78. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.