Recipe
A Coffee List Recipe
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Smooch / All my dishes 2 months, 3 weeks ago
LOL…there are lots more look below and have more laughs. And here’s my favorite:
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
Prep:5m Cook:20m Servings:78
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 Smooch |
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Fans
Ingredients
- Coffee
- Cream
- Sugar or Sweetener of choice
- Mug
Directions
- 1. You answer the door before people knock.
- 2. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- 3. The only kitchen appliances you own are made by Mr. Coffee.
- 4. You ski uphill.
- 5. You get a tax cut for all the coffee you bought.
- 6. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
- 7. You speed walk in your sleep.
- 8. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."
- 9. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- 10. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
- 11. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- 12. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
- 13. You sleep with your eyes open.
- 14. When you open your dish cabinet, and there is only mugs.
- 15. You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
- 16. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
- 17. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
- 18. You lick your coffeepot clean.
- 19. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."
- 20. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there.
- 21. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
- 22. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- 23. Your coffee cake, must have coffee in it.
- 24. You chew on other people's fingernails.
- 25. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."
- 26. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
- 27. You can type sixty words per minute... with your feet.
- 28. The only gift you get for Valentines Day you get chocolate covered beans.
- 29. You can jump-start your car without cables.
- 30. All your kids are named "Joe".
- 31. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."
- 32. You don't sweat, you percolate.
- 33. You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
- 34. You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
- 35. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- 36. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
- 37. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- 38. Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- 39. Every shirt or blouse you own has a coffee stain on it.
- 40. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- 41. People get dizzy just watching you.
- 42. You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
- 43. The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- 44. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- 45. You're so wired, you pick up AM radio and people test their batteries in your ears.
- 46. Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
- 47. Instant coffee takes too long.
- 48. When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
- 49. You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
- 50. You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
- 51. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- 52. Your hand is permanently shaped to hold your mug.
- 53. You'd be willing to spend time in Turkey just for the coffee.
- 54. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
- 55. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
- 56. You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
- 57. You get drunk just so you can sober up.
- 58. You speak perfect Arabica without ever missing a bean.
- 59. Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
- 60. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- 61. You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- 62. You can jump to the moon.
- 63. You short out motion detectors.
- 64. You have a conniption over spilled milk.
- 65. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- 66. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- 67. You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
- 68. You don't tan, you roast.
- 69. You don't get mad, you get steamed.
- 70. Your three favorite things in life are...coffee before, coffee during and coffee after.
- 71. Your lover uses soft lights, romantic music, and a glass of iced coffee to get you in the mood.
- 72. You can't even remember your second cup.
- 73. You help your dog chase its tail.
- 74. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
- 75. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
- 76. You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
- 77. You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
- 78. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
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shepherdrescue 2 months, 3 weeks ago said:
Wow! Not that's a list! Thanks for the laughs, although most of these things actually apply to Mike. When we have coffee at a restaurant, I tell the waiter to just leave the pot. They think I'm being funny until the fifth refill...
clbacon 2 months, 2 weeks ago said:
Hahahahaha!!!
shuga 2 months, 2 weeks ago said:
It is so true!
greekgirrrl 2 months, 2 weeks ago said:
Very funny!!
gapeach55 2 months, 1 week ago said:
Sad but true, I know I'm not worth a whole lot of anything until I've had atleast three cups. Then I start waking up in the morning. It's all up hill from there.These were great!