Parenting Job Recipe

How to make it

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• PARENT - Job Description
• This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way,
• I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!
• POSITION :
• Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
• Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop
• JOB DESCRIPTION :
• Long term, team players needed, for challenging,
• permanent work in an
• often chaotic environment.
• Candidates must possess excellent communication
• and organizational skills and be willing to work
• variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
• and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
• Some overnight travel required, including trips to
• primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
• Travel expenses not reimbursed.
• Extensive courier duties also required.
• RESPONSIBILITIES :
• The rest of your life.
• Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
• until someone needs $5.
• Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
• Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
• pack mule
• and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
• in case, this time, the screams from
• the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
• Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
• such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
• and stuck zippers.
• Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
• coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
• Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
• for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
• Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
• an embarrassment the next.
• Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
• half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
• Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
• Must assume final, complete accountability for
• the quality of the end product.
• Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
• janitorial work throughout the facility.
• POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
• None.
• Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
• so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you
• PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :
• None required unfortunately.
• On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
• WAGES AND COMPENSATION :
• Get this! You pay them!
• Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
• A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
• of the assumption that college will help them
• become financially independent.
• When you die, you give them whatever is left.
• The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
• you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.
• BENEFITS :
• While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
• no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
• no stock options are offered;
• this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
• and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.
• Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
• letting them know they are appreciated
• for the fabulous job they do...
• or forward with love
• to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
• ** AND A FOOTNOTE "THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **