Recipe

Sage Advice Recipe

	Notyourmomma / All my dishes 1 year ago Timely advice for family gatherings. Prep:10m Servings:2	Notyourmomm
	sage advice holiday gatherings friends family

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Ingredients

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Directions

In my family, where volume reigns supreme on holidays, some of the above rules would be greatly appreciated if followed.

Especially #16.

Ultimate chaos could be avoided if we all practiced a little "sage advice."

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Comments

greekgirrrl 1 year ago said:
Funny..esp. true is #14!

lor 1 year ago said:
I LOVE THESE ~ EACH AND EVERY ONE IS RIGHT ON!!! Thank you so much for sharing with all of us NotYourMomma ;)
P.S. I have just posted a concern on Suggestions that I believe everyone should read.

lacrenshaw 1 year ago said:
Nym,
Thank you, thank you! Sage advice always true and frequently humorous. FIVE!
Lorraine

juels 1 year ago said:
This is great, a nice thing to read on a Saturday morning!

mrtnzangel8 1 year ago said:
I need to frame this. LOL

lumpy1 1 year ago said:
Thanks, i almost broke my stitches.

m11andrade 1 year ago said:
Amen, NYM. Love it. Now if I could just get some of those tattooed on for future reference, I'd be cool!

sparow64 1 year ago said:
Thanks, I needed that! ; )

jenniferbyrdez 1 year ago said:
Always a day late and a dollar short I am. You made my day Notcho.

jimrug1 12 months ago said:
And here I thought I was going to get and Herb lesson...... ;-)~~ Printing this out to send to family member before our next family gathering.....

conner909 10 months, 3 weeks ago said:
Ha! #16...were you talkin' to me?? Love this page!

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